The knowledge that doctors like him exist truly frightens me. What happened, as I understand it, is that Debs wrote about an invasive gyn procedure she was forced to undergo when the doctor performing it -- or trying to perform it at any rate -- continued what he was doing even after she clearly and repeatedly withdrew consent to having the procedure performed. To her, his actions felt like having been raped.
The doctor -- not the one who performed the procedure -- who seems to believe that offence is the best line of defence then strolled in, tore the post and Debs herself to shreds not so much by saying anything particularly substantial himself but by insulting her, refusing to acknowledge her experience and denigrating her for how she felt about what had been done to her.
One of the consequences is that Debs' old blog is no longer visible.
That may have something to do with the fact that I have, on occasion, kicked up a royal fuss. But I think it's primarily because I've been lucky enough to be able to go to good hospitals and to choose the doctors I consult very carefully, because I've been able to walk out when I've encountered doctors who got on my nerves and, since I live in India, to ask for second, third, and, yes, even twentieth opinions without thinking twice. That, I imagine, is not something which is easy to do when you go through the NHS.
Coming back to Debs, however, when it comes to terminology, it simply doesn't matter whether or not a particular experience meets someone else's definition of rape for the experience to be rape. And it certainly doesn't matter if it meets the legal definition of rape.
Consider Indian rape laws, for example. Rape, according to them occurs when and only when penile penetration of a vagina occurs. Using fingers or other objects simply doesn't constitute rape under the Indian Penal Code although the definitions of rape in many other jurisdictions do say that that constitutes rape.
India doesn't have a law against indecent assault either. The Law Commission has recommended an amendment to the Indian Penal Code which makes indecent assault an offence but so far Parliament hasn't enacted it. The result is that what would be indecent assault / rape in many other jurisdictions is, in India, the 'outraging of the modesty of a woman' -- I am not making the phrase up. And outraging a woman's modesty can comprise anything from brushing against a woman inappropriately to raping her with an object.
No one would say that just because the law doesn't consider being forced to have oral sex to be rape, it doesn't mean that it isn't rape.
Along similar lines, surely, just because the law doesn't consider being raped with an object to be rape, it doesn't mean that it isn't rape. Just because that object happens to be a medical instrument, it doesn't mean that being penetrated with it cannot constitute rape. And just because that object happens to be wielded, yes, wielded, by a person who has a degree in medicine, it doesn't mean that it automatically isn't rape.
The law is entirely capable of existing independently of women's experiences. If not anything else, the marital exception to rape which prevailed for centuries proved that.
Apparently, the opinions of some doctors are also capable of existing with no reference to the opinions of their patients.
Some other blogs which speak of the issue: Uncool, The F Word, Not a Whisper, Fetch My Axe. I see no reason to link to the doctor.
Twelve years ago, I passed a kidney stone. I was in a great deal of pain the day before it passed and decided to go to the emergency room. When I checked in and presented my symptoms, I heard a nurse say: "Sounds like a kidney stone to me."
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind as I continue my story that I was 25 years old, a virgin, and accompanied by my mother (who also believed I was dealing with a kidney stone, since she was with my father while he passed one).
I was taken to a room, questioned, asked to give a urine sample, and told (by the RESIDENT) that I had to have a vaginal exam.
I was really nervous about the exam and I made this very clear. I told the resident that I was a virgin. I also told her that I had gone to get my first gynecological exam recently and that the doctor used a very small speculum and didn't get a reading because she didn't want to do any damage.
Apparently, this woman believed that I was lying because my mother was in the room. She proceeded to take out a rather large speculum (probably the only size they had) and ignore my cries, yells, screams of pain, and desperate pleas to "TAKE IT OUT!"
The resident calmly said: "Oh, Ma'am. It's just supposed to be a little uncomfortable." while she ripped my hymen out with no mercy.
Now, having a very conservative Christian mother, who never spoke to me about sex and didn't expect to need to until before my wedding night; it is easy to understand how a little piece of information about a possible hereditary issue may not have come up in conversation.
After I filled the toilet almost three times with blood, had to have an ice pack on my crotch to stop the bleeding, and had to be given drugs to calm me down from my enormous freak out and shock, I found out that my mother AND my aunt had both lost so much blood upon losing their virginity that they had to be taken to the hospital.
The next day, I passed my kidney stone and then laid on the floor while the entire bottom half of my body shivered in another state of shock. My mother sat with me until it stopped.
I guess you could say that her silence let me down almost as much as the resident's arrogance and indifference. I remember the nurse coming in and asking my mother and I if I had ever been sexually abused. She said that my reaction to the situation was a classic example of someone who had been.
MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE I HAD JUST BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED IN THAT VERY ROOM!!!!!!
Unfortunately, that experience had a profound psychological affect on me. After being a virgin for 25 years - hardly even kissing a boy - I had a few drinks one night, bumped into a boy I had a crush on, and thought "Might as well. It's not gonna hurt, now." He had to ask me to leave right after. I didn't understand why until the next day when I found out that he didn't even live in that house.
THAT'S how SPECIAL my first sexual encounter was. I've had issues being completely comfortable with sex ever since then - even though I have a live-in boyfriend that I've been with for almost 4 years and whom I love and trust.
This event had a serious impact on my life and I still remember it as clear as if it had happened yesterday.
Arrogance, indifference, and apathy in the medical profession can violate a person's personal rights and can affect an individual's psyche for a lifetime. Any medical professional who would spout out ignorant and slanderous bullshit about someone who has suffered from such an experience, needs to get his teeth kicked in and his license revoked, as far as I'm concerned. And, yes. In that order.